Healing and Personal Transformation

Healing and Personal Transformation
by Rev. Fr. Philip Vincent S. Sinco

Philippine General Hospital. No other place on earth I have ever experienced such struggle of the human spirit as I brave the hallways of this apparently dismal institution where life and death, sanity and madness, courage and fear collide. At times, I find myself in an emotional whirlwind, trying to figure out my feelings as I make a choice of whether to play numb or give in to the situation. If there’s one word that best describes my sentiments everytime I enter the doorways of each service ward I am assigned to visit for patient care and counselling, it would have to be helplessness. In my encounters with sick people, I am often placed in a confusing stance as I ask myself the following questions:

Imagine that you are standing right next to a person in her deathbed as she grimaces in pain due to an illness which cannot be treated and you catch yourself dumbfounded because you don’t know how to handle the situation…what would you do?

Imagine that you are trying your best to alleviate the seemingly hopeless situation (perhaps, in your own little way) yet the chances are at odds and you’re struggling to hold back your tears because you can’t do anything about it…what would you do?

Imagine that you’re listening to a person’s woes and she’s wailing in front of you, not for the pain her sickness had caused her but for the fact that she was all alone, and her loved ones abandoned her…what would you do?

Imagine that you’re beside a person whose accident has traumatized her that much that she’s unwilling to forgive the one who made her life miserable despite the fact that you’ve been wasting your time telling all the blahs about love and forgiveness…what would you do?

These are the usual scenarios I encounter every time I visit the sick patients lying on their bedposts. I thought I’d be able to handle the various dilemmas given the fact that I’m equipped with theological and pastoral skills I’ve learned from school. I was wrong. In real life situations, when you have the chance of getting a grip out of people’s lives, you will find yourself being humbled and you will realize that indeed, there is so much to learn. And from the many faces I came across the hospital ward, they would always tell me that they are hoping for the day they will receive healing, not just for their physical ailments but for their emotional and spiritual hurts as well. They are after the possibility of a personal transformation, a metamorphosis and a change of heart that will truly make them better persons for their loved ones as they await for the actual cure. Indeed, it is a lasting proof that what should receive healing first and foremost is the inner human core in order to battle life’s endless sorrows and dissensions. Ironically, healing takes place as the person suffers from sickness because his physical state will bring him to a consciousness that he is not invincible and there is a God whom he can depend on when everything else fails.

I’d like to end this with a thought. In his poem, “Fever”, John Updike, in all jocularity tells something about inner healing that accompanies one’s sickness:

I have brought back a good
message from the land of 102 degrees:
God exists.
I had seriously doubted it before;
but the bedposts spoke of it with utmost confidence,
the threads in my p blanket took it for granted,
the tree outside the window dismissed all complaints,
and I have not slept so justly for years.
It is hard, now, to convey
how emblematically appearances sat
upon the membranes of my consciousness;
but it is truth long known,
that some secrets are hidden from health.

Oddly enough, sickness can at times bring out the best in people...if only one wishes to be healed by the loving hands of God.