THE HEART OF TOTO FIEL

THE HEART OF TOTO FIEL
by Rev. Fr. Philip Vincent S. Sinco

I have always wanted to write something about my 7-year old nephew, Fiel. Just like any child of his age, he is known for his innocence, playfulness, and curiosity. But what sets him apart from the rest is his cheekiness, wherein at times, you will get confused whether he really meant what he said or it’s just a part of his gullibility. He can be brutally frank that you’d be embarrassed with his usual quips about certain things that caught his attention. Last week, when I said mass at the wake of my relative who died of complications due to his old age, Fiel went inside the house to look for candies. After a while, he approached the daughter and complained, “Puro kahang inyo dulsi, waay gid ti tam-is?” We laughed profusely when we were told about it. He just smiled at us, wondering why we made a fuss over his blatant assertion. I could sense that there was a protest obstinately taking place inside his head. If only he could reason out as an adult before us, he would’ve blurted out, “Hey, what’s wrong with my statement? I’m just being honest!!!”

A child will always be naive no matter how hard you try to objectify things. He is guided by his belief in such a way that he puts his heart into it. He sees life as a continuous search for meaning, hence he would rely on his vulnerability, eager to grasp the hands of those whom he thought would direct him to what is authentic or reliable. His inquisitiveness is not born out of his convoluted reason. He simply wants to unfold, discover and learn the many ways of the world. This is perhaps the explanation why Jesus became indignant towards his disciples when they rebuked those enthusiastic children who wanted to see and touch him. We have an irony here. The kingdom of God does not belong to those who are strong, powerful, and learned. Rather, Jesus offers it to those who are incapable, defenceless, and weak.

Vulnerability is the word. While the rest of us are engaging ourselves in a power struggle, opposing each other to claim the coveted title of who will be the greatest, the mightiest, and the best, Jesus would simply invite us to be susceptible to the magnanimity of the graces offered by his Almighty Father. While science and technology continue to expand the way we perceive life’s seemingly complicated mechanisms, Jesus would want us to take things in its purity and live our lives with an unadulterated cheerfulness. While we exhaust ourselves with endless theories to explain those whom we consider mysterious, unimaginable, and “too awful for words”, Jesus would only require us to possess that heart of a child who is able to recognize and accept the honest-to-goodness fundamentals of human existence.

Even if sometimes, I am annoyed by the naivety and the outspokenness of my nephew, I have learned so much from his self-effacing disposition. He has taught me to go back to what is basic, especially if my mind and heart are shrouded by my never-ending inklings on the things I should do in order that I may be sensible before the world. There were times that I thought I was invincible, only to find out later on that my insistence in trying to get hold of things whole and entire has brought me to staggering failures and disappointments.

One last story about Fiel (I am not supposed to include this because I fear it might ruin the coherent flow of thoughts but I let myself be muddled as I set aside my reason for a while so I can indulge myself to what is simple and true). When my sister left for Hong Kong, my poor, little nephew was devastated and you can really tell how he longed for his Mama. One time, my sister called and talked to him. In all honesty, he told her: “Ma, puli ka lang di, biskan one day lang; Sige na ma, please!” It was a heart-wrenching moment for all of us at home. My sister cried so hard that she never finished their conversation. It was an enduring testimony of a child’s unconditional love for his mother. I was stunned by my nephew’s purity of heart---so weak yet so passionate, so vulnerable yet so spirited.
If there’s one resilient bastion of faith, hope and love when everything else fails in this life, it would have to be the heart of a child.